快速帮助指南 完美主义

什么是完美主义?

A person with perfectionism sets unrealistically high standards on his or her performance, 严格遵守这些标准, 并将自我价值等同于表现. 对生活的普遍态度, perfectionism can create debilitating emotions and unproductive behavior.

Recognizing perfectionistic behaviors and thoughts along with setting goals based on wants, 欲望, and likes instead of expectations are ways to overcoming the unhealthy belief that perfection is possible.

完美主义的其他方面*

  • Concern over mistakes: Perfectionists tend to interpret mistakes as equivalent to failure and believe they will lose the respect of others following failure.
  • High personal standards: Perfectionists don’t just set very high standards but place excessive importance on those standards for self-evaluation.
  • Parental expectations: Perfectionists tend to believe their parents set very high goals for them.
  • Parental criticism: Perfectionists perceive that their parents are (or were) overly critical.
  • Doubting actions: Perfectionists doubt their ability to accomplish tasks.
  • Organization: Perfectionists tend to emphasize order.

*“完美主义的陷阱”，来自www.psychologytoday.com

警告标志

  • 害怕失败或犯错误
  • 害怕不被认可
  • Thinking that it’s all or nothing, black or white, perfect or inadequate
  • Structuring life on “shoulds” that serve as rigid rules 
  • Believing that success comes easy for everyone else 
  • 内疚，悲观，自卑
  • 刚性
  • Lack of motivation, extensive procrastination
  • Heightened anxiety caused by worrying about the “what-ifs” of upcoming events (tests, 演讲, 日期, 等.)
  • Inability to enjoy successes and leisure if other hurdles remain
  • 抑郁症

照顾好自己

如何战胜完美主义

  • Take a realistic look at how you are living and how you relate to others and yourself. 想想完美主义的警告信号.
  • Consider asking a friend to offer an objective opinion.
  • 是平衡的. 你是一个人，而不是一个做事的人. There is more to life than what you can accomplish. Family, friends, and having fun are important, too.
  • Set a goal to re-balance or re-prioritize your life accordingly and pray for help in doing this.
  • Admit that you are imperfect, and be honest with those you trust about your struggles and needs.
  • 把你是谁和你做什么分开. You (and others) are lovable and valuable for your unique personality, 礼物, 梦想, 感情, 和经验.
  • 转变思维方式. Instead of making demands or placing unreasonable expectations on yourself and others, 采取“我想……”的态度。,”“我打算朝……,和“如果你能……我会很感激的。”
  • Strive to do an excellent job at what is most important to you, 记住，excellent的意思是“非常好”,“不完美”.
  • When you are working on a project, remember to enjoy the process.
  • When you do a good job, feel proud of yourself. When someone compliments you, say “thank you.”

如何改善你的身体形象

  • 改变你的想法应该是有目的的. Take time each day to focus on what you are grateful for with your appearance, and start to shift your focus from criticism to gratitude.
  • 记下你的内部信息. Memorize Scripture (see Related Scripture) to begin replacing negative messages with the truth—that God created you and loves you as you are.
  • 拒绝不切实际的理想.
  • Give yourself a break from magazines and other mass media.
  • Overall health and well-being are key components for maintaining a healthy body image and vice versa. 
  • Practice empathy and non-judgment toward yourself and others.
  • Find a friend, pastor, RA, or someone you trust with whom you can talk. 咨询服务处的工作人员, 学生生活, 校园牧师办公室, and Residence Life are available to listen as well.

如何帮助朋友

  • Encourage your friend to seek the help of a pastor, 基督徒辅导员, or psychologist to help work through the sources of a negative body image.
  • Offer to pray with your friend in addition to praying for your friend.
  • 腾出时间倾听. Simply being present conveys a message of value and worth.
  • If you are unsure of how to approach your friend, talk to your RA or someone you trust to help.
  • If you are concerned and think your friend may need help beyond what you can offer, 学生生活, 咨询服务, 校园牧师办公室, 居住生活.

·    如果这些建议不起作用怎么办?

The 学生生活 Office and Counseling and Psychological Services (CAPS) can help you get in touch with specialized help on or off campus. Individual counseling is available on campus in addition to support offered by staff in Campus Pastor’s office, 学生生活和住宿生活. 

如果你需要紧急援助, 请拨打911, the On Call RD at (805) 565-6273 or Westmont Public Safety at (805) 565-6222.

校内和校外支持

学生生活 Office: Room 209 Kerrwood Hall, (805) 565-6028

Counseling and Psychological Services (CAPS) - westmont.Edu/caps - (805) 565-6003

校园牧师办公室: Clark B Cottage, (805) 565-6170 

你的驻院主任

相关的经文

他不定你的罪。罗马书8:1

他原谅了你:约翰一书1:9

他爱你:约翰福音3:16

他提供休息:马太福音11:28-30

When we decide to follow Christ, we are deemed “not guilty”—perfect (Hebrews 10:8-14). 因为他为我们死在十字架上, our relationship with God is perfect and unchanging (Colossians 2:9-10).


Our actions in pursuing God and earthly success, 另一方面, 都不完美，永远不会完美, as Paul says in Philippians 3:12: “Not that I have already obtained all this, 或者已经达到了我的目标, but I press on to take hold of that for which Christ Jesus took hold of me.” We are called to strive to follow Him as best as we can and work toward our earthly goals (Colossians 3:23), but never let our own pride or desire for perfection overpower the perfection we have in relationship with Christ.

额外的资源 

在线:www.newhopenow.org

书:

Healing Grace: Finding Freedom from the Performance Trap by David Seamands

大卫·斯托普的《ag娱乐官网》

When Your Best Isn’t Good Enough by Kevin Leman